from time to time i go back into my head, and try to figure out, try to understand the basics of modern physic theories. in doing this, the thing i experience most is, that i got thrown out of balance instantly. i experience how it felt, when i was sitting in the lectures of theoretical physics 22 years from now, being in my mind completely and having no clue, what the prof was writing on the overhead. if you don't understand something, it is difficult to play with it in a joyful manner. but the good thing is, if you don't understand, you are not bound by a certain believesystem, mass consciosness of the physicists cannot influence you as deeply and as an spiritual artist it is easier for me to create my own ways of seeing the world, the way that serves me most.
so one day i began to read about m-theory a sort of grand unifying theory (GUT) that wants to integrate the 4 basic forces known to date .
and: surprise, i didn't understand m-theorie at all. it is fabricated out of mathematics, that i don't look through, although i tried very hard to do so. so i experienced: nothing has changed in this 22 years. i reacted to mathematics in the same way like before. but really?
in my spiritual quest i learned, that the mind is but one of many modalities to experience the world. ist is but one aspect of me. what brought me headache 20 years earlier, now just reminded me, that i am out of balance. and to get back to balance the only thing is to breath consciously into my belly and connect to my real center. and i learned, that my unability to understand modern theoretical physics is in fact by (my) design. i set it up for me this way, so i couldn't go down the mind-road again and experience: high iq is better, complex answers are better, because no one can understand it (what turns out to be a problem more and more) although i know that it serves the power-game of duality.
i am not able to look for the complex answer. (i.e. the complex eigenvalues ;-)). and that is a real blessing. i am forced by my soul to look at the simple, obvious answers.
i agree, that there are mathemathics behind the appearent and not so appearent physics of form and density. but for me mathematics is a mind-fabricated illusion behind the illusion of the earth-experience. mathematics is a pure mind-game. the mind trys to understand the (otherwise fear-arousing) ununderstandable. it trys to put its envelope around things, it will never understand. it will disect and tear apart things, that cannot be torn apart. it will create illusions above illusions above illusions. it is a lie-creator, and i honor it for that. it is looking for the complex (by design), yet overlooking the simplicity.
simplicity never comes from the mind! the mind is the place, where the aspects of the past are playing. they don't come up with new answers. they envelop old answers in new boxes, because they fear change. they are not able to go beyond duality and experience the new consciosness. they are afraid of it and they pull every string on you to create drama, to destract you, to seduct you. that is the setup of earth: to not see beyond duality.
life is an experience. nothing more. learn to experience life more fully and you will understand. the mind is a fear program of the past. honor it, then go beyond it and begin to live.
just as you grasp the meanig of something, it will change. as you begin to understand m-theory, it will change also. the m-theory is a creation, a product of expanding mass-consciousness, and the creation itself will be going through its cycles of life as long as consciousness supports it.
every law of physics holds as long as consciousness supports it! if you believe in the dualistic world, it will serve you, as it did the last 4 billion years. if you look for a beyond, you will find it. there is a difference between consciousness and the mind. the mind was a fun game within the dualistic consciousness. it was created to conform and standardize the human beings, but it has a build in system that allows for manipulation and misuse of power. we played the game well and now it is time to go beyond the mind! what lies beyond? whatever you can imagine ... perhaps the full experience m-theory.
so i went beyond the mathematics and experienced the aura of m(embrane)-theorie. i got the picture of a flower, like my soul used to show me, when it comes to experience. a beautifull one, with magenta-colored fine tentakles on it. i felt its beauty. and i begun to love m-theory.