yesterday and today in the morning, i began to feel sort of asymmetric, because i worked foremost with my feminine part. so, what a coincidence, today the first of two channels from bali was dedicated to bring in the divine masculine.
i continued to have back pain on the left side (f) and pain in my sacrum on the right side (m). during the channel, it came to my consciousness, that this pain is the pain of my wounded sacred sexuality. we are asked to let the old memorys in our cells go, to let our old storys go, just by breathing in and breathing out. i began to breathe in through my nose and to breath out through my mouth. through my mouth, i was letting the old memorys and pains out for transformation.
i imagined my sacred masculinity in front of me in the form of a green male, with two snakes crawling on him. and i was suddenly aware, that my past did hold the space, where the divine masculinity was supposed to enter into me. after a few minutes of breathing, a corridor in my heart opened, and with this and the help of quan yin, i could look at my past compassionately. i could say "yes" to it, and i spoke out this "yes" aloud. and i realized, that i made this integration much more complicated, than it has to be. i stopped forcing the divine masculinity in. it would come in naturally, when there is enough space. the only thing for me to do, is to accept the things, as they are. thats a deeper level of trust coming through.
my back and my past is now feeling like a pillow of comfort, my breathing is much more compassionate and comforting, caressing my body and my cells. i am stillness, and i am listening and feeling tenderly into my being.
forcing means running from it. i am looking into my body of the past, images are popping up, they are allowed to be seen, to expand, to transform. there is nothing to do.
did my sacred masculinity come closer? yes, and i witnessed a small portion of this green energy enter into my body. but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. i am in the now, breathing from moment to the next. and i trust.